loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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