Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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