someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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