I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
sex in a hospital.. check
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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