he wants to bone in the snuggie
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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