so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
