Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
