apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
