my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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