He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
