hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
