There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
