My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
