he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
