he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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