So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
