my room smells like sperm. sweet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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