Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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