So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
whose ass print is on the piano?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
