I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Damn victory sex feels great
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
