my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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