Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
