Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
