If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
