its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
