If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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