Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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