I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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