You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
