Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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