so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
