so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this beer tastes like vomit already
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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