I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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