I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
