Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize