Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize