Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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