I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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