I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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