i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
