you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
