i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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