So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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