i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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