I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
