Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
