I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
