there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
