life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
