i don't like sucking hair
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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