just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
