Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
