i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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