I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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