It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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