Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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