Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love having hate sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
