Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
