My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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