This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The ass gains better be worth it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
