The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ttyl tear gas
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
