if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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