I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
