people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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