Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
