ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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