he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
