Jerry, you need to find god
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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