Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
