I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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