um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
