so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
