i can't believe i had my finger in that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
