as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just invented taco cereal.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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