I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
