when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're like the curious george of whores
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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