I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
