well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
