And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
