In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
